It’s time to stop playing the victim and step into your power.
We’ve all been there, playing the victim role.
In life; in relationships, with partners, parents, friends, even in business.
Can you admit it??
How many times have you blamed someone else for how you feel?
Not owned your shit... not owned that how you feel or how you have reacted is yours. Because it’s all someone else’s fault.
I’ve been there and I take full ownership for recognising I have been there, A LOT, even in this last week When I zoom out and look back at my life, hell, so many relationships I have played the victim. It was always their fault. I refused to accept or even take a look at myself and how I could have played a part in it. I sulked, I blamed, I didn't back down; quite frankly at times I was a bitch. I never took any responsibility for my actions or reactions.
There are many reasons why we might play the victim; perhaps it’s learnt behaviour from our childhood, perhaps it’s inherent within us, perhaps it’s because it makes us feel good, to pass the blame. To feel like we are right. Hell it is righteous. It’s arguably narcissistic. And I own it. I have played the victim; many times.
And not only have I played the victim (it’s all his/her fault), but I’ve projected my shit on to others!
Projecting has many terms, but in this instance I refer to it as us creating stories about others which you have built up from stories you have created about yourself. It’s ways to categorise people and put them into a box. For example in a mother/daughter relationship, a mother has an idea of her beautiful baby girl who is a sweet, innocent, quiet, good girl. When this girl becomes a young 18 year old woman with a boyfriend, the mother finds it hard to let go of that projection of her beautiful baby girl.
There are many other examples of projection that are used so often in relationships. Often unnoticed until it’s recognised that there is a repetitive cycle/ pattern of arguments. Usually one or both partners have projected their view on what that other person should be/not be from the internal stories they carry within.
Only now, at 33 am I truly seeing and waking up to fully own my own shit. How much I have projected, how much I haven’t taken responsibility for my feelings and how much I’ve played the victim.
I didn’t realise how much of a victim I had become. “You made me feel...” Sound familiar?
When we own it, it plays out more like “I feel *insert feeling - eg frustrated*; I am aware this is a frustration felt within me that I take responsibility for. What you did brought this out in me but I fully own this is my internal issue that I am aware of and would like to work through.”
Sounds hard to own it like that when we are triggered, right?! But it's something I see within myself and something I'm working through. We get so 'caught up' in the moment we often don't get to zoom out to fully see what is going on. That's where we need to breathe. That's where we need to recognise our ego is on full show and only if we take a moment (or some space away if needed), breathe and connect to the heart, can we speak our truth and avoid the victimhood and projections.
It's true, someone might trigger us to feel a certain way - but we are the ones who is triggered and it's our choice (often subconscious initially) to feel that way. It’s not their fault; so we should never blame another for our own feelings.
So it’s time. It's time to claim your shit ladies. It’s time to stop blaming others for blocking your path or bringing you down. It’s time to claim responsibility for your feelings, to own your shit and take full responsibility for your actions and reactions.
You got this x